Whats Grosser than Gross?

I am pretty sure its a law. Well, at least a law of nature, that as a parent, poo talk is mandatory. Those of you who know me, remember that I have my fair share of dooty stories. I won't get into those here at the mercy of those reading. But i can say with near certainty, that somewhere in Africa, there are primative comedic cave drawings depicting a mother and father subjecting other cavepeople to epochs about their baby filling his sabertooth tiger-skin shorts.

You begin your child's life talking about their poo, analyzing the texture, color, consistency, or any unusual smell. (Cringe if you want, but i KNOW you have done it) You enjoy humoring yourselves and (you presume) others who pretend to listen to you, with neauseating stories about it.

Then, you graduate to the potty training phase, where your child develops their own innate love of the subject. Mostly its just revealed in the sudden awareness of their own abilities or their ability to tell you about their needs. It is a time of glory and pride and potty words are so valuble to both you and your child. Afterall, its how you know when they "gotta go" right? In some kids' case, it is also a curiosity of the physics (and artistic value) of the substances. You diligently settle on language for the functions that is acceptable and ensure that your child knows how and when to use it appropriately. Unfortunately, they innocently find it necessary to point out the degree of stench of their own, others and your "odors" in public restrooms.

Then you move beyond training and your child heads to preschool. There, he meets a potty mouthed preschooler. Likely this is a boy who has an older sibling, or friend who has found humor in teaching this child potty speak simply to get a rise out of a parent or other adults. If you have boys...maybe girls too to some degree, but i can't speak from experience...they suddenly find humor in all things potty. They impress themselves with the distance and accuracy of their "aim" or potency of their smells. Any efforts on your part, to teach manners, and the use of innocuous words like tee-tee or dooty, fail when these other kids teach them new words for the bodily functions AND teach them the wonderful ability to make an entire conversation out of ONLY variations of those words.

A conversation between my son and another boy sounded something like this: "pooty,peepee, doo doo, poopy, poo, pee, crap" "wee wee, poo poo pooo pooo dooty pants" "ha ha ha ha ha"

Following that encounter, all potty talk was relegated to the bathroom. Afterall, it seems unfair to insist the kids NEVER use any potty words right? So, periodically, Zach will rush across the room and close the bathroom door. Inside you can hear him spout a few dirty words and then return to the room. And should he just babble endless potty talk in a public restroom, be sure he will remind me that it IS a bathroom and he is allowed.

I am humored (and appreciative) that Zach also finds it necessary to go into a restroom to pass gas. And trust me, as offensive as all the words are, and as horrifying as it is to hear him say them, when that moment comes, it will be difficult to contain your grins and giggles while you lay down the law!

Why am I pondering the wonders of potty mouths? Well, honestly...its because Reece filled a diaper to the brim...no, to the brim of his collar...yes, folks, SHIRT collar and into the sleeves with a single poo. I am quite certain there was near half a gallon in there. He had saved it for nearly two days and MY OH MY, the sound of it filling up! There I sat, debating "whole package of wipes and then the tub, or directly to tub?", laughing that it must have been a world record poo and eagerly anticipating the opportunity to tell my friends ALL about the poo. And i realized. Its human nature. Its gross. And, my almost-four-year-old is right, it IS funny.